| Location | Bristol |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 18/12/2005 |
| Date of Death | 18/12/2005 |
| Visitors | 2,097 since 04/09/2008 |
| Creator |
Christopher James was the son I always wanted. The day I found out I was pregnant was the happiest and scariest day of my life, I had only been with your daddy for a short time and I really didnt think I would ever be lucky enough to get pregnant again. I did 3 tests just to make sure but you were definately there!
The strange thing is I knew really early on that something wasnt right but I just put it down to me being silly and kept it to myself.
Then i started to bleed, only a little but it kept happening over and over again, after each scan I was told that they could not see any reason for the bleeding and 'some women just do!'
After my 20 week scan I started to relax a little, the bleeding had almost settled and I started to buy you a few things, we knew we were expecting a boy and were busy choosing a name for you, we even ordered your pram.
Then the worst thing happened, I was walking your sister Danielle to school when I felt like I had wet myself, I rang my midwife when I got home and she told me to go straight to the hospital. After being examined I was told that my waters had broken and to just take things easy and come back if it got worse, I was sent home.
After arriving home I went to the loo and I started to bleed really heavily, the examination carried out by the doctor about an hour before had been painful and I was sure this is what had caused it, I rang the hospital and was told to come straight back in.
I was admitted onto the ward and put in a room with 2 other expectant mums both of them in early stages of labour, I was kept in for 4 days and had to show the nurses anything odd that I passed.
I was reviewed on the saturday and sent home, all of saturday night I was still losing fluid and eventually went back to the hospital the following morning.
I went to the labour and delivery suite and was examined again and was told my waters had almost gone, a scan showed me just how bad things were, then I had a huge bleed and passed a massive clot, things happened really quickly from then, my contractions started and was surrounded by so many people, nurses, doctors and even a paediatrition, I was told to prepare for the worst because at 22 weeks and 3 days they would not assist you, I was asked if I wanted to hold you as you struggled for breath or if I wanted you laid in a hospital crib? Thats when it sunk in just what was happening.
You saved your mummy from that pain though little man because when you were born you had already become an angel, I am sure you knew how hard it would be for me so took some of that pain away.
You were born at 10.58pm on Sunday 18th December weighing 1lb 2 and a half ounces, we had chosen the name Christopher for you and it seemed perfect in the end because it was so near to christmas.
You looked just like your daddy and my heart just broke.
I never got to see you take your first breath or hear your first cry but I was able to spend that whole night with you in my arms and I didnt let you go, we slept together and I will cherish that time with you for as long as I live.
We held your funeral on December 23rd, two days before christmas and it reassured me that you wouldnt be spending christmas alone somwehere, we knew where you would be and could visit you.
I dont have many photos of you as we didnt have a camera, we have hand and foot prints and I have a little box of things that remind me of you.
I miss you every day and that will never change, I wish you were here growing in my arms not just my heart.
Your little brother Bradley and little sister Francesca followed after you, I still dont know how I managed to get through those pregnancies after losing you little man but put it down to having my own guardian angel!
Sweet dreams little man. I will love you always.
Mummy.xxxxxx
Mother, please don't mourn for me;
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day,
And within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone, but I'm always near;
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart,
As long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I'll never wander out of your sight;
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach;
I'm the warm, moist sand when you're at the beach.
I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around,
And the pure white snow, that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond;
The clear, cool water in a quiet pond.
I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in Spring;
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.
When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
You can talk to me though the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I'm the hot salty tears, that flow when you weep;
And the beautiful dreams that come when you sleep;
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face;
Just look for me, Mom, I'm every place.
Author Unknown
Happy Birthday In Heaven - by Winnie Lovett
"Happy Birthday Christopher"
It's sure to be the best one yet,
Though you left us here behind.
Did you think that we'd forget?
Your cake this year, will surely be,
A beauty to behold.
With the icing made of Silver,
And the candles made of Gold.
Yes, your birthday in Heaven,
Will be such a grand affair.
And I know you'll look so lovely,
With a halo in your hair.
The Angels will come from everywhere,
To sing your birthday song.
And I know they'll be so happy,
That you've joined, God's Happy Throng.
No I can't send a card this year,
Or give a gift so fine.
So I'll just send a special prayer,
To that wonderful Son of yours.
Born Still - by Unknown Author
Do you know how hard it is
To hold a baby who doesn’t cry?
Do you know how hard it is
To tell that baby Goodbye?
Do you know how hard it is
To look at an empty bed?
Knowing your child should be there
Resting his sleepy head?
Do you know how hard it is
Feeling you’re to blame?
And no matter what they tell you
You'll always feel the same.
Do you know the heartache
Knowing he’s gone for good?
And feeling that you didn't
Do all the things you could.
Do you know how hard it is
To hear that it's Gods will?
Do you know the emptiness
When your child is born still?
To The Child I'll Never Know - by Gloria Dianne Hall
How can I say Good Bye
When I never said Hello,
Why does my heart grieve
For the child I'll never know?
You were a part of me
For just a little while.
I grieve because I'll never see
The magic in your smile.
I grieve for all the unsaid words
That you will never say.
I grieve that I will never see
You happily at play.
I grieve for all the lullabies
That will remain unsung.
I grieve because I'll never see
Your face gleaming like the sun.
I grieve because you will never know
The comfort of my touch.
I grieve because you will never know
That you were loved so much.
I grieve for all the tomorrows
That will never be.
I grieve because God chose
To take you back from me.
You live among the Angels now
Your earthly mission done,
You will be so dearly missed
Good-Bye my little one. XX
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN XXX
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________________.OOO.____________.O. * . * .
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BABY CASTLE
HOPE YOU LIKE THE POEM
In a baby castle, just beyond my eye
My baby plays with angel toys that money cannot buy.
Who am I to wish him back into this world of strife?
No, play on my baby, you have eternal life.
At night when all is silent and sleep forsakes my eyes,
I'll hear his tiny footsteps come running to my side.
His little hands caress me so tenderly and sweet,
I'll breathe a prayer and close my eyes and embrace him in my sleep.
No, I have a treasure I rate above all other,
I have known true glory, I am still his mother.
Give this teddy bear ♥
to every person u care about.
Try to collect 20
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HUG WAR!
Pass this hug to all of
your friends and back
to me, see how many
you get back!
I Am With You Always
As you hold me close in memory,
even though we are apart
my Spirit will live on,
there within your heart...
I Am With You Always,
When you lean on trusted friends
And their caring hugs enfold you
Within their loving arms,
I'll be there to hold you...
I Am With You Always
And beyond the far horizon,
When we'll finally be together,
Where love will be eternal,
And life will last forever
I Am With You Always
With love.xxWhat Makes a Mother
I thought of you all, I closed my eyes
and prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother
and I know I heard Him say,
A Mother has a baby.
This we know is true. But God can you be a Mother
when your baby's not with you?"Yes you can!", He replied
with confidence in His voice,
"I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice."Some I send for a lifetime
and other's for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quick
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
on her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."So you see
my dear sweet one,
your children are OK. Your babies are here in my home
and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with me
until your lesson is through.
And on that day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you. So now you see what makes a Mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize
that you are a Mother until their time is done.
They'll be up here with me one day
and know you're the best one.
Written with love
for all the Mother's missing their babies
by Jennifer Wasik
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There have been 132 candles lit for Christopher.
